I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
