Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
