Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
