Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
whose parrot is this?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
