Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we're making bets on your personal life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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