I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
