I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I met the friendliest cop last night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
