I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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