Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
