His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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