I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
