what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
