If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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