Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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