She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
