think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
