"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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