there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
