Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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