On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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