I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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