I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
