I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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