My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
