he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
