I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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