The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
