why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
