Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
