between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
