Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
