Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
