Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
