I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
