I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
