i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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