O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
