i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
