VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
