I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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