hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
