saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
