The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
