She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
