If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
