Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
