Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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