btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
