Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
