Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
