I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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